muffin (muffinflavored) wrote in cannon_fic,

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Hi everybody.. new member here.. i'm not entirely sure what this community focuses on..(please don't hurt me!) But i've had trouble finding help for my story that i've been writing, it's focused arounds ships and sailing and such (and there are cannons!), and inspired by master and commander, though not based upon it.. (i haven't read any of the books but i have seen the movie- if this some how strays too close to one of the books let me know.. and i do plan on reading them eventually)

Anywho i've been writing this story for a while, focusing around the navy and pirates in the mid-1700's, it's not very historically accurate, though i do make attempts! And i've been looking for constructive criticism because my friends don't really give me any, it's not really fan fiction of any sorts so i suppose i've been looking in the wrong places.. but i figured i'd post it here and see what you all think.. it's just the beginning of what i've written and any/all constructive criticism is welcome, if you want I'll post the rest too, or give yall a link.

-Is it too goofy?
-Not goofy enough?
-Not realistic enough?
-Not descriptive enough, too descriptive?
-Too segmented?

Title: Piratey Type Story (until i come up with a better name)
Author: muffinflavored
Genre: Action/Adventure
Rating: PG-PG-13
Summary: Starts with an introduction to the main character, giving a bit of background. Which goes into chapter one, the crew spots a french ship and pursue it, leading into a battle.


Addison O'Heally was about thirteen years of age when he ran away to join the Royal Navy, his companions they laughed amongst themselves as he did. Addison knew they would, they had always said he would join the navy and now he had. It went so far as to become a running joke amongst his mates. But he didn't care, not that his mates knew of anyway. Addison could just not bring himself to even think of following any of his mates chosen career paths, most of them were the children of smugglers, cutthroats and bar wenches, he wanted none of that.
However that was years ago and Addison did not have time to reminisce, it had been a goodly eight years since Addison had left and he spent that time at sea. On the second ship Addison sailed with, (the first; H.M.S. Able, sank during his second week of service) he learned quickly under the captain, Stickney's tutelage and ascended through the ranks with the same speed. Now nearing the age of twenty-one he was a senior officer and tentatively approaching his advancement to the rank of captain and his own ship.
Captain Stickney was now leaving command of the ship to Addison whenever he had to attend to something else as well when he was on deck, feeling that Addison would need to get the feel for commanding a ship of his own, and Addison was more than happy to oblige. This let Addison spend some more time with the men aboard the steadfast, which was nice because he had served a goodly amount of time with all of them. However this time mixing with the crew also earned him the reputation of being 'soft' amongst the crew, and although they would not show it whilst under his eye, it inspired a bit of laziness while under his watch.

Chapter 1

Things had not been the same aboard the Steadfast the past couple months, she was to patrol the coast of New France to be resupplied by a merchant vessel about half way through their voyage and then continue patrolling. But for whatever reason during the past few weeks action had been light and some of the crew were getting restless. Two of the seamen in particular; Matthew and Stephen. Stephen had joined the crew of the Steadfast just about a quarter year before and had taken a liking to Matthew, one of the more apathetic crew people, which resulted in rumors amongst the crew that the two were having thoughts of mutiny.
It was the beginning of second watch and it was Addisons turn to take it, he dressed himself in the officers quarters and headed onto the main deck. It was a early autumn morning, warm by colonial standards and the sun still had more than an hour to rise. Addison pulled his coat about him and set about his rounds, everything seemed to be in working so he decided to continue his stroll around the deck. He thought it fortunate that both Matthew and Stephen were not on duty at the time. With his reputation for being soft, he felt like he was as likely a target as any, and he didn't like that feeling at all.
He turned to his lieutenant.
"Jennifer er- Lieutenant, ring the bell."
"Aye, Addison"
Jennifer bounded off to the stern and rang the bell. Addison mused for a moment at just how odd this crew was, it was probably the only ship in the navy to have females aboard, let alone female officers, and Addison didn't particularly mind, which is probably why he was assigned to the ship but he had brought it up with Captain Stickney on numerous occasions. He still refused to reveal many of the details to Addison but he did inform him that he had a brother in the admiralty, and that no one outside of the ship besides his brother knew, and he would like to keep it that way. A cry from the rigging took him out of his reverie.
"Sail off the starboard bow!"
Jennifer, who had been walking back to Addison now rushed to his side.
Addison quickly took out his spyglass and scanned the horizon off to the starboard, and found the ship identifiable only by the lanterns on it's deck.
"Lieutenant, beat to quarters."
"But Addison.."
"Sir, we don't know if she's a French or no."
"Exactly, Lieutenant beat to quarters."
"Yes, Sir."
Jennifer headed back the way she had just came and called out "We shall beat to quarters!" as she hurried to the stern. Almost immediately the ship was alive, a Marine's drum was beating and the sound of running sailors filled the morning air.
Captain Stickney appeared on deck finishing dressing himself, as he buttoned up his coat a cabin boy handed him his hat. A minute later the cannons were loaded, a record time for the 28 guns as they had been cleaned directly after the last time they were fired.
Captain Stickney approached Addison on the quarter deck.
"Commander Addison?"
"Sir, we've spotted a ship three points off of the starboard bow."
"Were you able to see her colors Commander?"
"No Sir, but the sun will be rising soon, we'll find out in no time."
"Very good Addison, you made the right decision to beat to quarters. I'm going to tidy up quickly, I'll be right back up, send someone down to get me if there are any new developements."
"Yes, Sir."

Piratey Type Story Ch 1.4 Fire and Brimstone

The Steadfast had the weather gauge and closed easily on the French vessel from the stern as it had stopped moving. It was false dawn and Captain Stickney was again on the quarterdeck when the details could be made out on the ship through the spy glass. She was indeed French and Her name was Eberron. Addison smirked, but it was quickly wipped from his face, there were no french sailors rushing about on the main deck.. or in the rigging.. or anywhere that could be seen.
"Captain.. there appear to be no sailors aboard the ship.."
"Check for battle damage."
"There appears to be none sir.."
"Hm.. and her rowboats are aboard it seems.. turn to port and Open fire.. we can always repair her."
"Conor hard to port! Open fire!!"
"Aye aye commander!"
Came the response from the Helmsman, Conor, and Collins the midshipman ran down to the gun deck to inform the ships gunner, Laurencia of the impending attack.
As the Steadfast began it's turn to port, suddenly the French ships sails from the main to the royals unfurld as French sailors seemed to appear in the rigging and upon the main deck, and the smaller ship made an unusually swift, sharp turn to starboard. Fire and brimstone erupted from the guns all along the ships side racking the Steadfast with twelve, twenty-four pound cannon balls half of the ships full compliment.
Addison picked himself up off of the quarter deck and tock stock of the situation men lay all over the main deck in various states of injury and shock.. the majority were getting up but Captain stickney lay face down on the quarter deck, unconcious. Collins who had returned, with Bailey, the officer of the marines, started to half-lift, half-drag the large captain below deck to be examined by Robin, one of the two surgeons aboard Steadfast.
"Fire!" came the faint call of Laurencia from the gun deck, and a wave of destruction emmanated from the side of the Steadfast. Doing even more damage to the Eberron with their fourteen guns. The ships were reloading and coming up on the others stern. The ringing in Addisons ears died down and he watched the French ship, the first wave had knocked out the Eberron's flying jib. He saw his opportunity and he was in command there was no escaping it now.
"Conor, hard to port!"
"Hard to port, commander"
This time the Steadfast proved more maneuverable than the Eberron which made a turn to port at almost the same time as the Steadfast, bringing the ships in line once again as they almost completed the turns. But with two important differences.. now the Steadfast was bearing their loaded guns against the Eberrons open stern. The Eberron tried quickly to escape but with Conor at the helm, and the help of Addisons direction they managed to stay behind her despite her smaller size and superior construction. And the next time the Steadfast showed the Eberron Her broadside, Laurencia let them have it. The broadside ripped through the Eberron, nearly cleaving the mizzenmast and damaging her rudder.
"Damage report, Marion?"
"It's early to tell now, Addison but we have 13 dead, and it seems 26 wounded. We're taking on water, and we've got some holes in our hull to match the Eberron, but our guns are in working order, and there's nothing we can't repair."
"Send Matthew down to the bilges to start getting that water out. Come along beside her Conor," Addison smiled, "we're going to explain our terms."
"Aye aye, Sir"
"Marion, Go get Bailey tell him I would like to start getting the marines into the fighting tops, and to their standard positions on deck, we might need to board."
"Where is Bailey, Addison?"
Addison grimaced at the second use of his name. "Try the gun deck and then with the surgeons, just do it quickly!"
The Steadfast came along side the Eberron and Addison surveyed the damage.. there seemed to be quite a few dead, but they could still have quite a number of men below decks. There were a few small holes along the side, and one particularly large one about halfway from the mainmast to their bow.
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