Seneca J. Rose (sansenmage) wrote in cannon_fic,
Seneca J. Rose

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Title: Cannonball!
Fandom: Hornblower
Author: sansenmage
Rating: R or Nc-17, Depending on How Sensitive One May Be
Wordcount: 303
Pairings: It Begins With Three Lieutenants and Ends With Something Else
Note 1: If There Are Historical Inaccuracies, So Be It!
Note 2: It Is Mostly Dialogue, but There Are Cannons and Cannonballs Mentioned!

Cannonball!: The Dialogue

Three hot lieutenants relax in the simmering hot tub.

"Ah, this is the life!"

"Archie, what is that?"

"What's what William?"


"My rubber ducky. It makes bath time lots of fun."

"Horatio makes it fun enough."

"Um, really William, that-"

"Why do you have an inner tube?"

"I can't swim if you recall."

"Well, Styles is Acting Lifeguard."

"But he can't swim."

"So? he just wants to attract the ladies, if you know what I mean."

"But we're in the middle of the Atlantic. And I doubt we'll see mermaids."

"What the bloody hell is he wearing that for?"

"Not very pretty, not like Horatio's arse is, eh William?"

"No, but Styles better suck in that gut."



"Are we under attack?"


"Oh my God! It's Mister Cleveland!"

"And you're still a midshipman."

"How do you know?"

"Look at the hat, man!"

"Oh, I forgot to take it off."


"Hey, it's our turn to get the tub!"

"Shove off, Hobbs and take your buggering where it's welcome!"

"I just cleaned the cannons and my boys and me need some relaxation."

"What's that smell?"

"It isn't me."

"It smells like gunpowder."

"That's not gunpowder!"



"Gross, man!"

"Hey, sirs, you don't have to leave!"

"Stop dawdling Horatio!"

"Hmm, prissies. Oh Hether!"

"You stink."

"But look! I got the hot tub all to myself."

"I'm not getting in there."

"Come on, it's warm."

"The water looks green."

"It's probably from the old water casks."

"No, it doesn't smell right."

"Would I lie?"

"Yes you would, especially when I ask you to."

"Look, it's Hunter--World's Oldest Midshipman."

"I'm coming in!"

"Put those bad boys down!"


"Come in Hether!"

"Fine. But you owe me your rations!"


"This is the life gentlemen!"

Three horny midshipmen lounge in the tepid hot tub.
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